


Synthesia

by jjongshoe



Category: Jongyu - Fandom, K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Blindness, Jongyu, M/M, OnJong, One Shot, SHINee - Freeform, Slice of Life, onewxjonghyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26042023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongshoe/pseuds/jjongshoe
Summary: Jinki is an artist who has a neurological condition called Synthesia, which means he can see colours in sounds. Jonghyun happens to be a famous musician in the country, whom Jinki is a fan of. An accident partially blinds the artist, and he knows that he will soon lose his sight completely. The only thing that comforts him is Jonghyun’s voice, but how would he react when finding out the cause of the accident?
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	Synthesia

Thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t work on commissions, Jinki turned up the volume of the rock song he was listening to as he worked on his easel. Today, he was working with oil paints and trying to put what he could see out there so that others could look into his mind. Though it was weird to people that he could ‘see’ music, it was a great advantage to an artist since it gave them a lot more perspectives to work on. When one lifted a piece of glass into the light, they would be dazzled by the rainbow that was formed. When this phenomenon happened after the rain, one could be able to differentiate each of the seven colours that created the rainbow. Similarly, Jinki was able to visualise different colours when it came to music. If the song was metal, he could see black and silver, almost like flashes of lightning. The current song had a mixture of black and maroon, with a tiny bit of white. Concentrating, he tried to replicate the swirls that he could see onto the canvas. After about two hours, he took a step back and looked at the painting. Though it wasn’t exactly how he had envisioned it, Jinki was pretty happy. At the centre of the canvas was the blob of white, which morphed into red with black lines across it. Using a tiny bit of yellow ochre to highlight the white blob, Jinki smiled to himself. His preferred style had always been abstract since that allowed him to be as creative as he wanted to.

Lately, there was a singer he really liked. Kim Jonghyun had a voice that was as smooth as honey. There was something different about him, as Jinki could see that each song of his was different from the previous one. He had recently released a new album called Base where the songs happened to be indescribably beautiful. The first time he heard the song called Monodrama, Jinki had tears in his eyes. The song was so sad but still vibrant in the chorus. It was light blue mixed with midnight blue with flashes of yellow. He had once attended Jonghyun’s concert and had been enthralled by everything he heard and saw. After a while, it had started to become extremely overwhelming. The screams and cheers of the other concert-goers were messing with his brain, causing him to lose consciousness. When he opened his eyes, he was still at the venue, which had become empty. Though it shouldn’t have affected him as much as it did, Jinki felt a little sad that no one had bothered. After all, who was he? No one special or important. From then on, he preferred to listen to Jonghyun’s songs from the safety of his home. He saw online that Jonghyun’s birthday was coming up, should he paint something for him? It had been years since he had made a portrait, but he had a fantastic idea. A picture of Jonghyun, with all the colours he could see from his favourite songs. A medley of colours, if he could call it that. It would be his masterpiece, and Jinki was prepared to spend all of his time to make it as close to perfect as he could. Using his favourite picture of Jonghyun as the anchor, he began to draw, starting with the eyes. In the photograph, Jonghyun was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt under a crocheted vest and had a wreath of leaves on his head. In Jinki’s opinion, that was the best one to paint since white happened to be the root of all colours. White light shone into a prism brought out all the colours so he could really do justice to this. Each stroke of his pencil was a labour of love since he didn’t want to have to erase even a single line. Someone with such a perfect voice deserved perfection in everything else. There was no room for mistakes of any sort. Even if it took a month, he was going to get it perfect. To onlookers, Jinki may as well be counted as a crazy fan or a stalker, judging by the number of times he had tried to see Jonghyun. Truthfully, he just wanted to hear his spoken voice ones, to find out if it projected the same sort of colours as when he sang. Needless to say, he never got the chance to meet the idol face to face, no matter how much he had tried. It seemed as though fate was against them meeting before the portrait was ready. While working on the painting, Jinki only played Jonghyun’s songs and filled with the soothing shades of blue and green that he associated with him. Choosing to use the brighter shades on his hair since this wasn’t an entirely abstract painting, Jinki spent the better part of a week completing it. Anyone would have saved the original and given a print to the idol, but Jinki wanted him to have his masterpiece. 

Packing it with brown paper, he looked online to see if there were any fan meets coming up, but there was nothing for another few months. With no other choice, Jinki decided to walk to the agency to drop it off. If he was lucky, he could even give it to the idol himself. There was some talk about Jonghyun hosting a radio show, and that would be amazing if it were true. At the very least, he wouldn’t get a restraining order from his lawyer. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the glass door of the agency, which seemed incredibly cold. A smile formed across his face when he heard Jonghyun’s distinct voice from one of the rooms. Could he find some excuse that would help him stay at the agency until the singer finished recording? Judging by the expression on the receptionist’s face, there was no way he could wait there even a minute longer than necessary.

_“Could you please give this to Kim Jonghyun?”_ , he asked with a crestfallen expression on his face.

_“You can’t leave anything here. Take your crap with you”_ , the woman said rudely. There was nothing else he could do, except take his gift back with him and figure out another way to get it to the famous idol. Kicking a pebble that was in his way, Jinki tried to stay positive about his chances which honestly seemed extremely slim. To top things off, he heard the sound of the rumbling thunder from afar which meant Jinki needed to hurry up if he wanted to save Jonghyun’s portrait from getting ruined. Deciding to run across the road since it was faster, he held on to the product of all his hard work and started to pick up the pace. He was almost there when he noticed a pair of headlights travelling rapidly towards him. What happened next, felt like it was a dream. He heard a loud crash but it took a few minutes for him to feel excruciating pain before he collapsed right in the middle of the street.

*********************************************

Jonghyun had finished recording his new song and spent some time listening to the recording, clicking his tongue since he wasn’t happy with it. His throat had become sore after the numerous times he had recorded, and so he drank the glass of hot water with honey placed in front of him. The warm liquid indeed served to soothe him, but he had enough of his mistakes for the day.

_“I’ll redo it in two days”_ , he said to the technical crew and stopped by the section of the art directors who were putting up the final touches on the music video. His head was starting to hurt, especially since he was a perfectionist so he first needed something to get him into a calm state. Opening the wooden cabinet beside his desk, Jonghyun pulled out three bottles of soju and started to drink. There was honestly something about the very sight of the green bottles that made him feel comforted. Who cared that he was too busy to go hang out with his friends? Alcohol had always been his best friend. The drink was slightly sweet, which wasn’t something he truly wanted at that time. However, he didn’t have much of a choice and couldn’t request any of the staff to bring him some more potent alcohol. After all, he had his idol image to think of. Locking the door of his cabin, he started to drink and didn’t stop till he finished all three of the bottles in front of him. He wasn’t exactly in a condition to drive back to his apartment, but there wasn’t much more that he wanted to do. Splashing some cold water onto his face, Jonghyun saw that his reflection in the mirror was no longer blurred. Since that meant he was on the way to being sober, he picked up his keys and walked to the parking lot. Luckily for him, it was pretty late so the roads were pretty empty. Not caring about the flashes of the cameras on the street, Jonghyun started driving fast so he’d reach his apartment as soon as possible. Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he failed to see that someone was trying to cross the road. It was too late to hit the breaks and Jonghyun ended up hitting the person who fell to the ground. Filled with shock and trepidation, he stepped out of the car and tried to check if the person was alive. Judging by the low moans, the victim was alive but there was a lot of red blood that pooled around his head. For God’s sake, he was a famous idol. His whole career would be ruined if he got caught by the police. Noticing some kind of parcel in the man’s hand, Jonghyun took it and placed it at the backseat of his car before driving away. He would be able to get the details using the package and could just pay the hospital for the man’s bills anonymously. It had to be his lucky day that there weren’t any security cameras where they were so there was no way he’d be found out. Getting to the basement of his apartment, Jonghyun spent some time checking his car for any scratches. Luckily, there was nothing. Not even blood.

*********************************************

Jinki had no idea where he was, and struggled to open his eyes, only to find bright lights that caused his head to hurt.

_“Where am I?”_ , he asked faintly, trying to raise his hand. The last thing he could remember was trying to cross the road before it could rain. Everything hurt. The funny thing was that it even hurt to breathe. 

_“Do you know your name? You were in an accident and a pedestrian called the ambulance last night”_

_“I’m Lee Jinki. My head hurts”_ , he said before drifting back out of consciousness. He could hear some people speaking indistinctly but was able to catch a few words of the conversation. _“Internal bleeding…..damage to the optical nerve…”_

He couldn’t understand what was happening to him, but the next time he woke up, everything was sort of blurred. 

_“What’s wrong with me? Why am I here?”_ , he asked frantically, grabbing the hand of the person next to him.

_“Well, I’m the doctor at the ER and I treated your major injury when you were brought in. Your head has been stitched up, but you’re still at the ICU. I think there are a few things we’d need to talk about when you start to get better.”_

This was the hardest part of being a doctor. How could she tell this man that the accident had compromised his vision? It had been a hit and run and no one had seen who the driver was. Some people could be truly horrible, she thought. If Jinki had been brought in about half an hour earlier, the doctors could have saved his eyes. The patient had been left to bleed on the street and if someone hadn’t seen him, there was a very high possibility that she wouldn’t be talking to him.

_“Tell me about yourself, Mr Lee. What do you do?”_ , she asked conversationally, hoping to divert his mind from the self-pity he was currently feeling. That was her style of treatment, she’d get to know her patients and have them open up about any other issues they had. 

_“I’m an artist.”_

How could she tell him that life as he knew it was going to change drastically?

_“I’m so sorry, Mr Lee. I prefer being honest with you and not giving you false hope. The accident was bad and you hit your head on a brick. A majority of your internal organs were unharmed, but your optical nerves have been damaged due to the pressure on your brain. How is your vision today?”_

_“Blurry”_

Jinki felt absolutely devastated when he heard that his eyes were damaged. It clearly meant that he would never be able to paint again. Sniffling, he felt two fat tears run along his cheeks, but he wasn’t able to move his hand. Why did he even get saved? There was no point in anyone bringing him to the hospital. Fate was working in a bizarre way in his life. The last painting, his masterpiece, had caused him to lose his eyes. It felt poetic and seemed to be his way of going off with a bang. The doctor had explained to him that there were slim chances of him getting his full eyesight back, but the blurriness would fade soon. After that, he would have good and bad days until he became completely blind. Stretching his hand to try and touch the orderly who had put some drops into his eyes, Jinki called out to him.

_“My painting...where’s my painting?”_

_“I’m sorry Mr Lee, there was nothing near you when you were taken into the ambulance. Only your wallet and phone.”_

This time, he didn’t even bother trying to control himself and felt his shoulder begin shaking as he covered his face and sobbed. Just a day ago, he had been filled with hope and happiness. Now everything that had made him happy had been taken from him. There was nothing he loved more than art, and he felt extremely hopeless.

*********************************  
Jonghyun watched the news and read the papers to see if anyone had mentioned the accident, but there was nothing. Guessing that the guy must be totally fine, the singer threw the incident out his mind and went on with his normal life. His throat felt a lot better and he was able to record the song perfectly. Still, he couldn’t help wondering what had happened to the man. Didn’t he pick up the guy’s parcel? Honestly, Jonghyun couldn’t remember everything that had happened, since he had gotten drunk when he reached the apartment. When he got into his car, he glanced at the back seat but there was nothing. Had he dreamed the whole thing? He checked his tyres and the surface of the car again, and it truly did seem that the accident had been a figment of his imagination. 

A week had passed since then and Jonghyun was finding it very hard to sleep. His usually dormant conscience had been filling his mind with thoughts that made him feel incredibly guilty. Thinking back about the events of what happened, Jonghyun remembered that he had been drinking. Still, he had a vivid memory of placing something in the car. Jumping out of his bed at 4 am, he decided to check for the last time. Opening the back door, he kneeled onto the seat to check the boot before placing his hands in the gap between the seats. When his hand touched something flat, Jonghyun pulled it out to reveal the item from his memory. If he hadn’t imagined the parcel, there was a very high possibility that he had indeed, caused an accident. Feeling as though he had been punched in the gut, Jonghyun used his sleeve to wipe away the beads of sweat from his forehead. Placing the parcel on his table, he was shocked when he saw his name and the company address. With trembling fingers, he opened the brown paper package and gasped at what he saw. It was a portrait of him, done using different colours which happened to be so much more beautiful than anything he had seen. He felt like crying when he saw that the painting had been a labour of love. What had he done? The small ‘J’ in the corner of the canvas was his undoing. Burying his face in his hands, he began to cry as he’d never cried before. He needed to find the person and apologise, but what could he say? Driving to the scene of the accident, he started enquiring if anyone had seen it. One person let him know which hospital the man had been admitted to, and he drove there instantly. He didn’t even know the man’s man and couldn’t ask about him. Instead, he pretended as though he was there for a normal checkup and heard the nurses talking, by sheer luck. There were discussing the plight of an artist named Jinki who had been the victim of a hit and run recently. Unable to stop himself, Jonghyun approached them on the pretence of signing autographs.

_“Since I’m already here, would you like me to meet any of the patients?”_

It was no secret that celebrities sometimes visited nursing homes or hospitals and spent time with the patients there.

_“Mr Kim, if you can spare the time, there’s a patient who happens to be a fan of yours. He’s in room 143 and is allowed visitors”_

_“I’ll go there now, would you accompany me?”_

Jonghyun wasn’t prepared for what he saw. A devastatingly handsome man lay on the hospital bed with an IV tube in his arm and bandages over his eyes.

_“Jinki, you’ll never guess who has come to see you. I’ll give you a hint. It’s someone you admire”_

_“Nurse Kim, I’m so tired. The doctor made me exercise enough today and I don’t want to see him again. I’ve stared at those alphabet charts so much and it hasn’t made any difference. I’m never going to be able to see you, so you’d be stuck taking care of me forever”_

Amazed at the way the patient, Jinki, was smiling while saying something so upsetting, Jonghyun didn’t think he was worth even being in the same room as him. 

_“Don’t be so melodramatic. It isn’t the doctor, and you can still see my beautiful face. It’s just a matter of time before you get back home”_ , said the nurse with a chuckle before whispering, _“I haven’t seen anyone with such a sunny smile in all my years at this hospital. Go ahead, speak to him”_

Sitting at the side of the bed, Jonghyun took the hand that didn’t have an IV in it.

_“Hi, Jinki. My name is Jonghyun. The nurses were saying that you’re a fan of mine? I’m glad to meet you”_

It felt horrible having to lie like this, but he couldn’t be honest. Not with the nurse still in the room. His heart lurched when Jinki squeezed his hand.

_“Is it really you? I love your voice so much. Even now, your songs are the only things that comfort me. I’m glad the accident didn’t take away my hearing. Would you please sing something for me?”_

He wasn’t such a heartless monster to deny that request and wiped the tears on his face before clearing his throat.

**_“I’m always in my room alone, Imagining that we are in love  
I confess then we break up, The reason it’s a sad monodrama  
The monodrama of being in love alone,  
The encounter, the love, the goodbye  
The reason I am in despair”_ **

_“That’s my favourite song of yours; I’m really glad to hear it live. Thank you so much”_

_“It’s my pleasure”_ , Jonghyun managed to say, before leaving the room. If he stayed here any longer, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he started crying. To him, it had seemed like a small accident, but this man had lost his eyes and no amount of money in the world would turn back time. 

_“What happened to him?”_ , he asked the nurse who had followed him outside. 

_“It’s pretty sad, honestly. He hit his head after a hit and run and wasn’t brought here in time. There was a lot of pressure in his brain that affected his optic nerve and there isn’t much that we can do about that. He’s going to lose his eyesight completely. All I can hope is that it takes time”_

_“Can anything be done? Some kind of surgery?”_

_“A corneal transplant can, but he said he couldn’t afford it. Anyway, it will take a lot of time for Jinki to be ready for such a major surgery”_

The least he could do was pay for this surgery since he was too scared to tell Jinki the truth. How bad would it be if he never told him the truth and stayed by his side? 

*********************************************

Jinki cried for an hour after Jonghyun had left. He had gone the thing he had always wished for, but he couldn’t even see his idol or even ask for an autograph. If only things had been different, he could’ve seen the expression on his face when he gave him the portrait. Now, he couldn’t even make another one. Had he done something wrong? What had he done to deserve this? 

After a few weeks of non-stop drops and medication, it felt like his eyes were split in half horizontally and he could see above that line. It was better than having blurred vision, but he was determined not to give up hope just like that. He would still paint for as long as he could see. He could just redo the portrait anyway since he remembered the colours he had used. It had felt like a fantastic idea at the time, but Jinki was annoyed beyond belief since he could only see the top half of his canvas. Tilting his head downwards didn’t make any difference, and he didn’t want to risk breaking the canvas by placing it higher. Jonghyun’s voice did sound better live than when it was recorded. When the man spoke, Jinki could detect warm colours like orange and red, but he had also sensed some hesitation. Guessing that Nurse Kim must have dragged the singer to meet him, it wasn’t hard to realise why the singer may have felt weird. The doctors and nurses were doing their best with him and trying to keep him in the best of spirits, but it didn’t always work. He tried his best to smile and joke with them, but at the end of the day, he had to face reality. Though he never had a bucket list, it was probably time to make one now. He needed to make a list of places he wanted to visit, and things that he wanted to do before that fateful day came. 

The head nurse had waited outside the room, just observing her favourite patient. She saw that Jinki always had a joke or a kind word for the staff, but she also noticed how sad his face had become, once he was alone. Each time she prayed, she included a line for Jinki, hoping that his body would be strong enough not to reject the donated corneas. The man needed another chance to show the world what he could do. It broke her heart to watch him struggle with the paints that he loved, and finally, end up tearing the sheet or throwing away his brush. He seemed to be all alone in the world, with no visitors since the day of his accident. She’d chuckled when he called her a mother hen and informed her that her voice exhibited pink hues, but she hoped the singer would be able to help.

*********************************************

Filled with shame and remorse for allowing himself to be so reckless, Jonghyun decided to tell his manager about the incident. Shockingly, the man asked him to forget about it. After all, people got hit by cars every day, and this shouldn’t make any kind of difference to him. Jonghyun couldn’t lie to himself; he had been exactly like his manager until he had met Jinki. Who knew what else he could have done when he was drunk? He had already spoken to the director of the hospital and paid for the transplant. He heard that Jinki was getting bored of staying in bed all day, and requested permission to take him out for an hour every week. If he tried to be there for Jinki, maybe he could be forgiven one day.

Trying to calm himself down, Jonghyun entered the usually pristine hospital room, which was now filled with torn paper and brushes that had been strewn on the floor. Was it weird to say that he could sense the gloom and melancholy as soon as he entered the room? Gone was the vibrant, smiling man that radiated warmth to those around him. Instead, the person on the bed was a shell of his former self.

_“Good morning, Jinki. It’s Jonghyun again. Shall we go outside for some time? I think a change of scenery would do you a lot of good”_

His reward was the tentative smile that formed on Jinki’s face, showing him that the happy wasn’t completely gone.

_“I don’t know if I would be good company for you. I’m sure you’d have better things to do”_

Jonghyun didn’t have ‘better’ things to do. He truly wanted to try and ease his guilt by spending time with Jinki until the surgery. 

_“I want to do this, okay? Don’t feel bad. Now, why don’t I help you change out of the hospital clothes?”_ , he asked gently while lifting a salmon coloured shirt for Jinki to see. _“I think you would look really good in this”_

The slight nod felt as though Jonghyun had accomplished something since it filled him with immeasurable happiness.

_“I’ve already spoken to the doctors and got permission. I thought we could go to your place and bring some of your things here today. Next week, I’ll take you to the recording studio”_

*****************************************  
Jinki couldn’t believe his ears. Jonghyun, the famous idol Jonghyun, actually wanted to take him out of the hospital. It had to be a dream. If it did turn out to be a dream, Jinki hoped he would never wake up. Having Jonghyun’s arm around his shoulders was enough to give him goosebumps. He had heard that the singer was pretty stuck up and conceited, but the person who was with him now was nothing like that. Jonghyun was good and kind and Jinki was lucky to spend even a moment in his company. 

_“I’ll drive us to your apartment first, then we can get something to eat”_

Jinki’s apartment, though slightly messy, was incredible. There were paintings on every surface, and there was a whole collection of them on a wall labelled ‘Jonghyun’.

_“Are those blobs supposed to be me?”_ , he joked when looking at the abstract works of art.

Jonghyun could hear the pride in Jinki’s voice when he raised his hand to touch the paintings that had been beautifully framed and placed at the top.

_“I have a condition that lets me ‘see’ sounds in the form of colours. Every painting on this wall has been made while I was listening to your music. You’ll notice that this one right here has been made with shades of pink and yellow and has been based on ‘Shinin’. I’m sure you would have heard that the song gives a happy and lively vibe. Now, you’d be able to see it for yourself. I wanted to give you something, but it seems like fate wasn’t on my side. Please feel free to take any of the frames on the wall to remember me by”_

_“What did you want to give me?”_ , he asked curiously, already guessing what was on the artist’s mind. Jonghyun wanted to hear it from his lips, to make sure he was right.

_“Well, I had been working on my masterpiece for a while. It was your portrait, made of all the colours I could see when hearing your beautiful voice. I don’t know where it is, but I promise you that I’ll make another one for sure. It isn’t over yet, I won’t give up”_

There was nothing that Jonghyun could say or do, except pull Jinki into his embrace. He had a lot of fans, but no one like Jinki, who amazed him with his words. 

_“You will be able to see again. Just work on getting better and healthier so you can have the transplant”_

_“I don’t have hope anymore. I’m being realistic, but now I know how I’d be spending my time. The first thing on my new bucket list is to complete my masterpiece. I don’t mind if I end up using all the time I have left, on that. It’s worth it, and so are you, Jonghyun”_

He couldn’t hide it anymore, not when Jinki was determined to do this.

_“There’s something I need to tell you. I’m not as perfect as you think. I’ve done a lot of things that I’m ashamed of and I really want to make things right. You’d never forgive me if you know what I’ve done”_

_“We’re all human. Doesn’t the saying say ‘To err is human, to forgive divine’? Everyone has made mistakes. Don’t worry, I won’t call the magazines to tell them that you’ve been slumming it with me”_

How did the guy manage to hold on to his sense of humour? Jinki was like the sun, providing radiance to anyone lucky enough to know him. 

_“That’s not what I meant”, he started to say before noticing the soft smile on Jinki’s face. Did he really want to take away what little happiness Jinki still had? He’d already taken away so much. “It’s a warm day today. Shall we have a picnic?”_

It didn’t take long for one of his assistants to prepare a basket for him, and all Jonghyun needed to do was pick it up.

_“I’ll get things ready and be back soon. Will you be alright on your own?”_

When he returned with the basket, he saw Jinki standing at the easel where he’d drawn a horizontal line on the canvas. The loud music he was listening to, meant that he didn’t hear Jonghyun enter. The singer could see how much the artist struggled to focus on half the canvas as he painstakingly began to draw. This was going to be a likeness of the painting Jonghyun had hanging in his living room. Although part of him wanted to stay silent and observe an artist at work, he wanted to take Jinki outside where he could feel the sun in his face and the wind in his hair.  
“That’s enough for today, Picasso. Come on”, he said as he helped Jinki clean the brushes before leading him to the car. Driving to a nearby park, he smiled at how lovely it looked with the bright green grass around the little pond in the middle. 

_“This place looks pretty. I can hear ducks quacking”_

*********************************************

He had gotten used to people helping him sit down and stand up, but he didn’t like it one bit. Trying his best not to scowl, he watched Jonghyun put a tablecloth for them to sit on, before opening the little wicker basket he had brought.

_“The nurses told me that when one sense is removed, the rest of them become stronger. I wonder if that’s true”_

_“Why don’t we test it out?”_ , asked Jonghyun who pulled out a silk sleeping mask from his pocket and placed it over Jinki’s eyes.

Feeling something round in his hand, Jinki started touching it, only to find that the surface wasn’t completely smooth. In fact, there were a few bumps on it. Bringing it to his nose, he let the sharp, citrusy smell take over.

_“Easy, that’s an orange”_

Moving the mask away, he lifted the fruits above his eye level so he could peel it and offered half to Jonghyun. Smelling the fruit to discover what it was, made him feel like a dog. _“I wonder if this is how your Roo feels”_ , he remarked casually, referring to Jonghyun’s dachshund. 

_“Maybe”_ , said Jonghyun who took out his phone to take a picture of them. _“Smile”_

_“A picture with me? Could you use my phone, too?”_

This was going to be the best day ever since everything he had ever dreamed of, was coming true. He smiled happily until he heard the ‘click’ sound of the phone camera.

_“I already have the caption in mind”_

*********************************************

Jonghyun was going to do the unthinkable, as far as the agency was concerned. Posting the picture on his social media, he captioned it ‘sunshine smile’ before playfully tapping the end of Jinki’s nose.

_“What’s your account?”_

_“Its ‘skehehdanfdldi”_ , said Jinki, who spelled it out for him. Jonghyun had never heard of such an abbreviation in his life.

_“Oh wow, what does it mean?”_

_“When you use the corresponding letters of the Korean keyboard, it spells out ‘I am an animal too’. It just symbolizes that we are all the same”_

_“That’s deep enough for someone to swim in”_ , he said, eliciting a chuckle from the man who looked as though he had won the jackpot. _“Time to eat, Jinki. I’ll need to have you back in time or the head doctor would have my guts for garters"_

This picnic ended up being like nothing he’d experienced before. The more he got to know Jinki, the more he started to like him. The man was an expert at body gags, which made him laugh. How could he have only thought of himself all this while? It felt incredible to think about someone else and focus only on their happiness. 

A week had passed by really quickly, and Jonghyun had started the ‘Blue Night Radio’ programme where he was able to speak to callers and listen to them. He was able to appear to the public as more than ‘just’ a singer. People would never know how much he loved the show, even though it had just begun. He was able to show people that they were no longer alone and that he was there to listen to them.

It was time for him to be honest with Jinki about what he had done. After all, he had been advising his callers to be honest with themselves with their feelings. It felt hypocritical to give that type of advice when he had such a huge albatross around his neck. 

The theme that night on the radio was Forgiveness, which was seriously ironic, but this could be his chance to talk about what he had done, without revealing the artist’s name. Coincidentally, the caller was incredibly guilty about lying to his parents about his grades.

_“Look it’s normal to feel scared to tell your parents that you didn’t do well. It was just an exam, so do your best for the next one. It’s always better, to be honest. Your parents might be angry or disappointed, but they would feel worse if they find out on their own. Just make sure to work hard and make them proud”_

It was probably time to talk about what he had done, and Jonghyun cleared his throat nervously.

_“I have a story for today since I also have to beg for someone’s forgiveness. I used to be extremely vain and I assumed that the world only revolved around me. Since I’m famous, I expected everyone to do things as per my wishes. I never realized how much a person can be affected by something that seems insignificant to someone else. There was a day when I drank alcohol and drove. I thought I would be fine since I had already washed my face. I assumed that I was sober enough to take the wheel, but I wasn’t. That was the worst decision I had ever made. That day, I thought I had imagined things, but someone got hurt because of me”_. Unable to say anything more, Jonghyun dissolved into tears while on air. _“I’m sorry, I’ll need to finish today’s broadcast early”_

The broadcast made him feel slightly less afraid. Saying sorry wouldn’t bring Jinki’s eyes back, but he needed to confess. Any relationship couldn’t be built on lies, and his friendship with Jinki had been exactly that. Although it was rather late, Jonghyun didn’t want to wait any longer and rove to the hospital. Sitting by Jinki’s bed, Jonghyun took his hand, even though he was asleep.

_“Jinki, I’m so sorry. I did this to you. It was me”_

This time, he didn’t bother wiping away his tears as he pressed Jinki’s hand to his forehead.

_“I know you’d never forgive me, and I don’t have the courage to ask for forgiveness. I promise I will do everything to get you a transplant so you can see again. I don’t have any excuse for what I’ve done. After the surgery, I’ll stay far away from you. I promise that our friendship wasn’t a lie. I really do care about you. I’m really sorry, Jinki”_

Looking up, he saw that Jinki hadn’t stirred at all, but his chest felt lighter. He needed to say it again when the man was awake.

*********************************************

Jinki never failed to listen to Jonghyun’s radio show every week, especially as it made him feel closer to his friend. It felt nice to call Jonghyun his friend. The episode on Forgiveness was very different and he agreed with the advice the singer gave his listeners. He had been ready to ask the nurses to call the radio station when he heard Jonghyun’s confession. Listening intently, he felt as though someone had punched him. Was this how a stab in the back felt? Sinking back into the pillow, he felt a whole range of emotions as he understood what Jonghyun was talking about. It could be comparable to his worst nightmare, since the person he had admired the most, had done something so terrible to him. When he heard Jonghyun’s noisy sobs, he couldn’t help wanting to hug him and say that it wasn’t his fault. He had been amazed when Jonghyun had bothered to visit him as often as he did. Being an idol, he had the option to turn everything on Jinki, but he hadn’t done that. However, Jinki was the one who had to bear all the pain that came along with the accident. It had been so easy for the person behind the wheel to walk away, but Jinki would soon be unable to walk without help. Could he forgive Jonghyun for what he did?

What he heard had shocked him beyond belief.so when he’d heard Jonghyun’s voice outside the room, Jinki pretended to be asleep. Though he felt really bad when he felt Jonghyun’s warm tears touch his hand, Jinki knew that it was best for him not to ‘wake up’ at that time. 

Jonghyun had seemed true to his word since Jinki didn’t hear his voice since that day. There were a number of changes in his life, starting with the hospital finding a donor for him. Jinki was being prepared for the surgery since his vision had gone down to only 5% of what he could see earlier. Since his dosage of medicines had been increased. Jinki would fall asleep really early, always missing the Blue Night Radio. Gradually, his anger had melted and he now only felt hurt that he had been discarded like a broken toy. Wasn’t there more to friendship than just apologizing and leaving? He’d started to miss Jonghyun, and listened to his songs on a loop. Though the man was no longer in his life, there was no doubt that the songs could still calm him down. 

His surgery was set for the following morning and Jinki was a bundle of nerves. He’d never had an operation before and this was extremely frightening. Especially since the doctors would be having a scalpel near his eyes. What he really wanted was to hold Jonghyun’s hand but he had to settle for only his singing voice. Feeling something placed over his nose and mouth, Jinki started to panic. Breathing rapidly, the last sound he heard was Jonghyun’s Hallelujah before he drifted out of consciousness.

*********************************************  
Unbeknownst to Jinki, Jonghyun had already been informed about the surgery and had arrived an hour earlier. He sat by Jinki’s bedside without a word, preferring to be like a ghost instead of speaking to him. When he saw Jinki panicking in the operation theatre, he couldn’t help himself from singing to him. He sang until he was sure that Jinki wasn’t conscious, but waited outside for the next five hours. The surgery was a success and Jinki had been advised to keep his eyes closed for 24 hours, after which he was asked to see the doctor again.

_“I’ll help with the eyedrops”_ , he volunteered as he wanted to spend a few moments in Jinki’s company before the healing period was over. Watching carefully as the nurses lifted up Jinki’s eyelids and put exactly one drop in each eye, he noticed his eyeballs roll around aimlessly. 

_“His eyes are healing well, but you may have to take him back with you for a few days. Jinki can’t be by himself for the first week. Do you know the feeling when you’ve spent your time in a dark room and you get into the light? That’s how Jinki would feel. Our eyes would adjust o the brightness in a matter of minutes, but he will need more time”_

_“I can take care of him during this time”_ , he said with confidence. It would make more sense to take Jinki to his place since it was bigger. The hospital was also sending a nurse with them, just in case. Between the two of them, Jonghyun was sure that Jinki would be well taken care of. When Jinki got discharged from the hospital, Jonghyun helped him into a wheelchair and drove the three of them to his expansive apartment. He didn’t know how long he could pretend to be someone else but he couldn’t stay away. He needed to know that the surgery was a success. 

*********************************************

Jinki still didn’t understand why Jonghyun hadn’t announced himself yet. It wasn’t as though he couldn’t hear him. Plus, Jonghyun had one of the most distinctive voices he had ever heard. If Jonghyun was determined to play, Jinki had no qualms in pretending he didn’t know what was going on around him. When his eyelids were opened for the drops and ointment, Jinki found that he could see a lot better, even though everything was blurred again.

_“Will I really be able to see? Everything is blurry, the way it was before I lost my vision”_

_“Mr Lee, I promise that your eyes are looking so much better. Your vision is blurred now since your eyes still need to heal. You need to remember that it was a complex surgery so you will feel a lot of irritation in your eyes, but that just means that everything is working the way it should”_

Jinki was already able to tell the difference between the touches of the others in the place and knew that Jonghyun was the one who fed him and stroked his hair till he fell asleep each night. It was clear to him that the singer had changed entirely, especially when he’d heard Nurse Kim chastise Jonghyun for not having a glass of wine after his meal. Mistakes happened, but how a person reacts to them is what defines their character. It wasn’t about redemption, but Jinki no longer hated Jonghyun or blamed him. In fact, he wanted Jonghyun to be the first person he saw. It felt like an eternity before the day came. This time, when he opened his eyes, he should be able to see everything around him clearly. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes slowly and blinked a few times until he got adjusted to the lights, which were dim. Had the surgery failed? Why couldn’t he see properly? He had just started to hope again, and it had been dashed. It served him right, he thought as a tear slipped out from his eyes. 

_“Jinki, how are you feeling?”_ , came Jonghyun’s voice as he wiped away the tear. _“I’ve dimmed the lights so that it would be easier for you”._

Was that what it was? He started sobbing, but this time, it was tears of happiness. Opening his eyes again, Jonghyun’s handsome face came into view. He looked exactly the way Jinki had remembered, but the dim lights gave his face a soft glow. Touching his soft hair, Jinki smiled happily since he had got his wish. 

_“Thank you, Jonghyun”_ , he said while trailing his fingers along Jonghyun’s face, tracing his features.

*********************************************

Jonghyun had never felt happier than at this moment. It felt pure, but he still had something to do.

_“Jinki, I need to tell you something”_ , he started to say, while looking at the floor.

_“No, I already know. I also know that you’ve been spending every moment trying to fix things. I forgive you, and I think it’s time for you to forgive yourself. You’re not the person you used to be”_

_“How did you know? You were asleep when I told you”_

_“Jonghyun, I was blind. Not deaf. I heard everything you said”_

Helping Jinki up from the bed, Jonghyun put his arm around him as they walked to the living room.

*********************************************  
Sitting up suddenly, he felt his head start to spin, and was grateful for Jonghyun’s helping hand. As they walked into the huge living room, he saw something that made him gasp in surprise. It was his pot of gold from the end of a rainbow. His portrait, set within a gold frame, had been hung right opposite the entrance.

_“The painting…..how did you get it?”_

_“I thought it had your address on it, but when I saw how beautiful it was, I had to hang it up. I’m so sorry for not asking you first”_

_“I...painted it for you”_

The old saying was true. Fate did work in strange ways. Never in his wildest dreams would Jinki have ever imagined that his masterpiece would bring them together like this. It filled him with pride and intense happiness to see that it had been displayed in a place of honour. While it was true that it had been the cause of his accident, the painting had solved everything. At the end of the day, it had all come down to fate.


End file.
